Beyond the Surface: Understanding Chronic Illness & Showing Up for the Ones You Love

When you live with a chronic illness, your entire world changes—and not just once. It changes over and over again, with every flare, every appointment, every new protocol, every “you don’t look sick” comment that cuts deeper than people realize.

Lyme disease has been part of my life for over 12 years now, and it’s not just a diagnosis—it’s a full-time, unpaid job that impacts every corner of my being: physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. Some days, I’m fighting to just function. Other days, I’m searching for slivers of joy between the symptoms.

But here’s something people often miss: chronic illness doesn’t just affect the person who’s sick—it affects the entire village. And how that village shows up can either help carry the weight… or add to the burden.

So, How Can You Truly Support Someone With Chronic Illness?

It starts with education.

Not Google searching a symptom and calling it a day. Not assuming you “get it” because you had a flu once. I’m talking real, deep, compassionate learning. Chronic illness is complex, often invisible, and deeply misunderstood—even by medical professionals. So it takes effort to understand what we’re really dealing with.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Read the Books.

Get into the minds and hearts of those living it.

• “How to Be Sick” by Toni Bernhard

• “Bitten” by Kris Newby

• “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

• “Sick” by Porochista Khakpour

• “The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery” by Ross Douthat

• “When the Body Says No” by Dr. Gabor Maté

• “Bitch, Your Aura is Calling” by Irina Kvasha (yes, me!) — A no-filter guide through illness, awakening, and becoming your own healer.

2. Watch the Documentaries.

Because seeing is believing—and sometimes, understanding.

• Under Our Skin (Lyme disease)

• Unrest (chronic fatigue/ME)

• Afflicted (Netflix)

• The Bleeding Edge (chronic illness & medical industry)

• Lyme Disease: A silent epidemic

• Heal (mind-body connection)

• What the Health (food, disease, and industry truths)

• Take Your Pills (chronic conditions and medication culture)

3. Listen to the Voices.

Let people living with illness speak for themselves.

• The Invisible Not Broken Podcast

• Sickboy

• Lyme Ninja Radio

• This is Not What I Ordered

• The Heal Podcast

• Aura Vibez Podcast

4. And Stop Judging the Way We Eat.

Clean eating isn’t a trend for us—it’s survival. It’s managing inflammation, calming the nervous system, and supporting our organs through things like detox, flare-ups, and hormonal chaos. If we say no to cake, or yes to celery juice, trust—it’s not about being annoying or “extra,” it’s about staying functional.

Stop criticizing and start learning. Ask why. Ask how you can support, not roll your eyes or push food that hurts us. Food is medicine, and for people living with chronic illness, it's part of the protocol.

5. Don’t Wait for the Crisis.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: listen when it’s a whisper.Don’t wait until there’s a hospitalization or a breakdown to show up. Chronic illness isn’t always loud. Sometimes it's the missed calls, the canceled plans, the silence. That’s when we need support the most.

6. Ask, “How Can I Lighten Your Load?” Not “Let Me Know If You Need Anything.”

Because honestly? We’re exhausted. We often don’t have the capacity to ask for help. Take initiative. Drop off a nourishing meal. Send a kind text. Offer to help with errands. Or just hold space.

7. Check Your Reactions.

Please don’t minimize our pain or compare it to your cousin’s allergies. Don’t offer miracle cures from TikTok. Don’t say “But you’re so strong!” when we just need space to say we’re tired. Let us be vulnerable. Let us be real.

Chronic illness is not just being tired. It’s not a phase. It’s not a pity party. It is intricate. Debilitating. Exhausting. And real.

We don’t need saviors. We need supporters. We need listeners. We need people who show up without needing to be asked. We need those who stay when things get messy.

To everyone living with illness—you’re not alone.And to everyone who loves someone with one—you have the power to make a massive difference.

This is a conversation that needs to keep happening, so we can shift the way we support each other in real, meaningful ways.

Let’s be the community we all wish we had.No filters. No fluff. Just real love.

From my heart to yours,–

Irina

The Aura Doctor